All Time Low
All time low – no, I’m not talking about the band. I’m talking about my life. My life hit an all time low. I won’t go into too much detail, because that would take all day and I know you all have lives to get back to. But here is the gist of what happened to me… I had a panic attack. I’m talking like a major debilitating panic attack. My sister came to my apartment to be with me and while it helped a little, I was still in a helpless panic. I was on the phone with my Mom for hours. The next day, My Mom and my Grandma made the 2.5-hour drive to Athens and picked me up to take me home for a week. When I got home, I was still in full panic mode. I wouldn’t eat or drink anything, I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep, my body was convulsing, I was crying, I was breathing deeply to prevent myself from hyperventilating, I was helpless. Eventually I became so dehydrated that I had to be taken to the Emergency Room. By 2 AM I was 4 IV bags in and admitted to the hospital with starvation ketoacidosis. You can imagine my shock.
While I am doing much better physically, so much is still going through my mind. I had to withdraw from college again, I had to move out of my apartment (which I loved), I had to come to terms with the fact that I will no longer be attending Ohio University in Athens, and I wasn’t going to be living with my roommate anymore. All of this makes me so angry. I had a plan, I was going to go to OU in Athens, graduate with a bachelor’s degree, and then find a job in LA. I know that plans change but I didn’t see any of this coming at all. I can handle minor changes but this is too much! I’m sad, angry, tired, relieved, and so many other emotions. It’s so hard to sort them all out in my mind. You’re probably thinking, “How is she not a lost cause?” “How is she not losing her mind?” There are a few things that have kept me a float throughout this whole ordeal. My Mom, knowing that this is not going to last forever, and God’s plan for me. Focusing on those things has kept me from drowning.
I have a very long journey ahead of me; I will always be fighting this battle. While that makes me angry and upset, I now know how strong I am and that I am capable of overcoming this fight. I can’t do it alone, and that’s okay. I have a huge support system on my side. If you are struggling, please remember that you are not alone. Someone else in this world is going through the same battles. Since my life hit an all time low, the only direction to go is up.